Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
