having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize