My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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