my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize