wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
