I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
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Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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