you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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