threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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