My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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