But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
