i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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