youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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