Already got asked if we're dating
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
