We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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