what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
