Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
