maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
