I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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