My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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