wanna go halves on a baby?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
