Non-Jews are for practice
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
