Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
