no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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