I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
