just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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