Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
