I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
