She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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