I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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