Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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