i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I want a musical about memes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
