just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
