The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
