i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
