Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
