My Higher Power is John Stamos
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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