I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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