The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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