There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
