Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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