Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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