his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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