So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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