i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
