oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
