Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
birth control should be required to get into college
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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