He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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