Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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