You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
