Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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