Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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