i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im just a social blackout drinker.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
