I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wish my penis had a tongue
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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