had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
