My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
