How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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