saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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