This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
