I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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