There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
