can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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