is wine microwaveable?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
